Things I've heard at a signing, dressed professionally and standing behind a table with a banner on the front that reads: "Meet bestselling author Cheryl Kaye Tardif".

(And what I sometimes wish I could say in response...but don't)

*Can you tell me where to find the book: Political Warfare and Toxicology...blah..blah
(because I so obviously look like not only a bookstore employee but an intellectual...hmmmm)

*Where's the washroom?
(go outside, walk about 5 blocks, then pick a house...)

*What are you selling here?
(my book...? I'll throw in a free bookmark.)

*Can you give me a discount on this cookbook?
(do you have an iRewards card? If so, I'll give you 10% off.)

*Where's the bus terminal?
(Hmmm...I'm inside a mall...my guess is...OUTSIDE...?)

*What's your name?
(uh, let me check that big sign in front of my table.)

*Will the author be coming in to sign books?
(yup, she'll be here all day)

*Your sign is crooked.
(Thank you. Do you want a free bookmark to go with the book you're going to buy off my table?)

*Can you watch my bag for a few minutes?
(got anything interesting in there? Chocolate maybe?)

*Does your book have....you know...lots of...sex...in it?
(Not Whale Song, but my other two have enough to heat things up. Why, did you want more sex?)

*So Divine Intervention is about psychic government agents. Are you psychic?
(I knew you were going to ask me that.)

Now don't get me wrong, I love meeting people, and I know they're just looking for someone to help them out. I actually don't mind. But it is funny when you look at it from my perspective and I can't help the thoughts that sometimes come into my mind. Mostly I just think them, but I did actually say some of them out loud, including the last one. :)

To read what my friend and fellow author Karen Harrington hears at her signings, please go HERE.